Mickey and PlutO-Week: The Happiest Week on Earth

Hailing from the home of the great San Antonio Spurs, this guy will roll his eyes when people say they’re eating “exotic” on taco day. If Isaac isn’t sporting his Tim Duncan jersey, he is probably trenching around in flip-flops, a backwards baseball cap, and the same North Face jacket he has been wearing for the past three days. But don’t be shy to ask him about the nature of our existence or any other deep and meaningful questions, as Isaac is a rare and unusual Philosophy major (just don’t ask him about game six). If he isn’t busy pondering the meaning of life, Isaac is probably riding laps around the bike track, getting a Frisbee stuck in the quad tree, or eating (non-exotic) tacos with prospective students. But seriously don’t mention game six.

Simply describing Shirley in words does not do her justice, for no words can describe Shirley Xu. I guess the best description of her would be that if I took a picture of her with my dumb-phone potato camera of approximately 2 pixels, she would still look like the stunning, exquisite being whose steadfast devotion to her faith can radiate for kilometers from where she is standing. Her tremendous confidence and large amounts of 氣qi (aka life energy) that radiate from her body are strong enough to create craters in the moon. Along with her graceful motor skills and honed dance muscles that allow her to charm anything from the kingdom Animalia by the simple act of picking up a piece of stray, inorganic waste, this girl has one of the biggest hearts on campus, making her more approachable than Clifford the Big Red Dog. All I can say is Shirley is surely a rare one.

Bright-eyed, bushy-tailed Matthew Stampfl is the best companion a person could ask for. He hails from Green Bay, Wisconsin and comes from a loving family of 5. Descended from Austrian royalty of old, Matthew continues his ancestors’ proud traditions by remedying the ailments of the common man. You see, Matthew is Lord of Rice EMS, protector of all the drunk and weary. His dedication to service is astounding and he is always there in times of need. If you can ever catch Matthew off an EMS shift or away from pursuing his multiple majors and minors (primarily Chemistry), you will find that he has a broad interest in world travel and is well on his way to accomplishing his goal of visiting every continent. As for Matthew’s future horizons, a career in medicine and health policy looms brightly. As gopher, Matthew will serve Jones O-Week proudly as he lives to serve and serves to live. Never fear, for Stampfl is here.